Today’s society, as diverse as it is, allows for the increasing formation of interracial relationships. While couples from different cultural backgrounds are often seen as defying tradition by simply being together, they also—just like any other couple—have to tackle the serious business of merging two lives that are already distinct when it comes to something as fundamental as love.
And—especially in these contemporary times when basing a relationship on anything other than complete and total love is often seen as regressive—that’s the part of the equation that, in my mind, really should be at the top of any prospective couple’s list. Because if you’re in an interracial relationship and you’re with someone, in fact, because you’re with someone, in spite of the fact that they sometimes boggle your mind with how different they are, then surely by that same token, you’re also, per law and logic, in a love affair with the fundamental notion of diversity.
Understanding Cultural Difference
Do: Acknowledge and Respect Cultural Backgrounds
In an interracial relationship, one of the initial parts of joining finances is being aware of the cultural distinctions that might shape each partner’s viewpoint on money matters. Many cultures have their own takes on spending. They have their own ways of seeing saving. And they have their own, sometimes completely different, ways of establishing financial hierarchies. For instance, some cultures might emphasize saving for future generations, while others might not bat an eyelash at deep diving into credit for an extravagant present.
Take time to discuss your histories and how they mold your monetary opinions. This comprehension can aid you in steering around possible disagreements and molding a more serene partnership when it comes to your finances.
Don’t: Assume Similar Financial Values
It’s essential not to take for granted that your partner shares the same financial values or practices just because you are in a relationship. Coming from different backgrounds does not exclude you from having the same or similar viewpoints; but it does call for steeper, more direct conversations about financial practices and principles—and it makes those conversations all the more important when you are considering life together.
Establishing Open Communication
Do: Have Honest Conversations About Money
In any relationship, communication is key. But when it comes to merging finances, it is of the utmost importance. Set up regular times to discuss not just the combining of your financial lives, but also the way you both envision your financial future—your goals, your spending, your saving. These talks should be as open and as free of judgment as any conversation can be.
Talk about your unique financial circumstances—such as liabilities, net worth, and revenue streams. This candidness is key to establishing trust and a rock-solid base from which to launch your money partnership.
Don’t: Avoid Difficult Conversations
Down the line, significant problems can arise from not having conversations about money. One partner may be much more at ease than the other when it comes to even talking about finances, and this is something that needs to be balanced, obviously, with both partners participating in the conversation. Make it a priority to have this conversation, as financial ignorance can create misunderstandings and lead to tension that could boil over into something else.
Setting Financial Goals Together
Do: Create Joint Financial Goals
After you have established clear communication, the next step is to set financial goals as a couple. This will involve talking about not only your individual aspirations for achieving financial security but also what you both want to target as shared objectives.
For example, you might be saving for a house, paying off all kinds of debts, or planning for retirement, financial goal conversations can indeed be a strengthening experience for partners.
Think about setting up a shared vision board or a financial plan together that visualizes your objectives, timeframes, and the strategies you intend to use to realize them. This kind of teamwork can be good for keeping both of you driven and responsible.
Don’t: Neglect Individual Goals
Although having shared financial objectives is certainly an obvious necessity for any couple, it is at least equally as important for partners to respect and support each other’s personal, individual ambitions, which may also be of a somewhat financial nature.
These goals—much like the goals one sets as a couple—require a certain amount of attention, respect, and nurturing if they are to be realized. And neglecting them can lead to some serious rifts in even the best partnerships.
Ensure that a portion of resources is allocated to personal goals while working on shared objectives. This will create a fulfilling balance that helps both partners feel valued in the relationship.
Choosing the Right Financial Structure
Do: Decide on a Financial Structure That Works for You
When joining finances, partners must determine how they wish to set up their financial arrangements. There are a number of potential structures to choose from:
- Shared Accounts: Both partners put money into a shared account for household expenses, while maintaining “personal” accounts for spending that doesn’t involve the other person.
- Separate but Equal: Each partner keeps their finances completely separate, contributing a predetermined amount to shared expenses.
- The Best of Both Worlds: A combination of joint and separate accounts, allowing for flexibility.
Examine the advantages and disadvantages of each alternative and select a structure that suits your financial objectives and comfort levels. This decision should be made jointly, with full respect for both partners’ preferences.
Don’t: Rush the Decision
Selecting a financial structure is an important choice that should not be made in haste. It warrants calm deliberation about the various possible paths that could be taken. Even if you feel confident that you and your partner have arrived at the decision, take the time to discuss your options and seek advice.
You may want to consult a financial advisor for a second (or first) opinion.
Be sure to make this choice in lighting that doesn’t encourage or induce heat-of-the-moment decisions.
Managing Debt and Credit
Do: Address Debt Openly
In any relationship, discussing debt is difficult, but it’s particularly challenging in interracial relationships. That’s because couples in these relationships often find their cultural attitudes toward debt to be mismatched. Credit systems vary around the world, as do understandings of what it means to borrow and owe money. Even within the United States, there are vast differences in how people perceive and handle debt.
Think about making a plan to pay off debt that shows how you’ll work together to settle loans and other obligations. A plan like this can decrease the amount of money stress between you and your partner, and it can also help you feel more united in your financial journey.
Don’t: Hide Financial Issues
Concealing financial problems, like owing money or having a bad credit score, can cause big trust problems in a relationship. You must be upfront about your finances, especially when you’re not in good standing. If your partner finds out you were keeping them in the dark about your ‘not-so-great’ financial situation, they will feel betrayed and might have a hard time trusting you again.
Navigating Financial Disagreements
Do: Approach Conflicts with Empathy
Disagreements about money are unavoidable in any partnership, yet how you manage them can really make a difference. Tackle conflicts with empathy and understanding, and remember that each partner might have some very different perspectives, possibly due to their cultural backgrounds.
Pay close attention to your partner’s concerns. Work together to resolve financial disagreements. Why? Because doing so can strengthen your bond, improve your communication skills, and help you co-create a life that feels abundant and in alignment with your shared values.
Don’t: Let Disagreements Escalate
Letting financial disputes balloon into a full-blown argument can certainly lead to unwanted stress and conflict in any romantic relationship. However, if a couple finds themselves doing this on a somewhat regular basis, it may be time to step back and reassess the way they are communicating about financial matters.
It also might be worth considering that some couples thrive on the drama of a good blow-up, and if that’s you, then you might not be able to resolve your conflicts without some kind of explosive detonation and subsequent cooling-off period.
Celebrating Financial Milestones
Do: Acknowledge and Celebrate Achievements
It is very important to take the time to celebrate not only the large milestones but also the smaller achievements that you accomplish together as you combine your finances. Payoff a debt? That’s worth acknowledging. Meet a savings goal? Celebrate that. Together, recognize the achievements along the way to your destination that are the result of your hard work.
Commemorating milestones can strengthen your bond and remind you of your devotion to each other. When it comes to these special moments, think about putting together a great date night or a modest little shindig to honor the occasion.
Don’t: Take Success for Granted
You might find it simple to neglect what you have accomplished when your attention is on what is next, even though you shouldn’t. Ample research has shown that taking one’s successes for granted can lead to feelings of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Along with the Kumashiro lab, I have tried to make it a habit to regularly reflect on what we have achieved together and express gratitude for each other’s contributions in our lab.
Conclusion
Finances in an interracial relationship can be rewarding yet tough. The journey of combining finances in an interracial relationship is often fraught with challenges. First and foremost, couples do need to acknowledge and recognize the cultural differences that exist between them. These differences are not merely about race; they include variations in how men and women from different cultures view and manage money and the values they attach to financial issues. Yet, for all that, successful financial partnerships can and do exist. The next few paragraphs will explore how some couples manage to succeed.
In the end, what makes finance work in an interracial romance is respect, understanding, and collaboration. Each partner should bring something unique to the table, and together they should reach some sort of harmony and work towards a shared vision of their financial future.